I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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