you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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