Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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