I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
