this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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