i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize