He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
