Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
