question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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