When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I AM VODKA MAN
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
