Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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