When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
