Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
