Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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