My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
