so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Dignity is for republicans.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
