Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
