not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
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I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
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I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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