Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
