My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
