Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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