I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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