The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
