peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
