If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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