apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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