So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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