What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
