dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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