so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
They have beer where we have blood.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
