doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
