when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
