Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
