i think my tv is drunk
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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