It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
