It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
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and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
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Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.