shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
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I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.