Texts From Last Night

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  (863): View more from Florida

  I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.

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  (863): I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm. http://tfl.nu/3uu7
  Replies (27) Good night (2191) Bad night (711)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.

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  (440): she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2. http://tfl.nu/9o14
  Replies (140) Good night (995) Bad night (6047)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?

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  (330): This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM? http://tfl.nu/jjdh
  Replies (23) Good night (5051) Bad night (850)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.

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  (765): I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan. http://tfl.nu/88ss
  Replies (182) Good night (1445) Bad night (4277)
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  (805): View more from California

  Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?

  (805): View more from California

  and why are they spooning a flamingo?

  (714): View more from California

  they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.

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  (805): Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor? (805): and why are they spooning a flamingo? (714): they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice. http://tfl.nu/n0m3
  Replies (14) Good night (4223) Bad night (1117)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.

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  (256): I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy. http://tfl.nu/dl4u
  Replies (7) Good night (713) Bad night (2321)
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  (212): View more from New York

  I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.

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  (212): I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking. http://tfl.nu/4blg
  Replies (21) Good night (2157) Bad night (1108)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again

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  (773): Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again http://tfl.nu/5np3
  Replies (2) Good night (866) Bad night (479)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.

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  (330): So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days. http://tfl.nu/om2e
  Replies (3) Good night (1111) Bad night (443)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.

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  (508): Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about. http://tfl.nu/fvng
  Replies (1) Good night (580) Bad night (379)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'

  (661): View more from California

  The cougar kind?

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  (703): WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?' (661): The cougar kind? http://tfl.nu/8tir
  Replies (12) Good night (1656) Bad night (509)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.

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  (303): Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk. http://tfl.nu/7e65
  Replies (3) Good night (697) Bad night (358)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.

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  (239): It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that. http://tfl.nu/4z4q
  Replies (0) Good night (611) Bad night (404)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  You are one with the wind and sky, bro.

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  (832): You are one with the wind and sky, bro. http://tfl.nu/zjyi
  Replies (2) Good night (612) Bad night (280)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.

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  (573): Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move. http://tfl.nu/x4s9
  Replies (2) Good night (547) Bad night (320)

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