i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I would fuck him just for his dog
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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