look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I could fuck to npr.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
