I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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