I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
