No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
