I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
