Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Houston, we have a blender
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
