i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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