she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
