cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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