i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
