found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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