I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
