If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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