I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
