Cold hands, warm shart.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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