Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
