My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
