ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
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just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
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Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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