so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
