I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
