Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
