he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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