my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
