a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
