I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
