I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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