Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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