I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
