WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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