dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
