puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I supernannyed him into submission
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
