totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
