giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Randomize
