If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
After tacos, we're chasing women.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
