in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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