9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
