you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
